I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
