hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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