all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
