The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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