Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize