It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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