1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
