hell yes lets make some ravioli
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
