hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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