Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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