My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
