i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
