Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
