Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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