glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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