May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
