I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
