My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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