my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
