we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
