oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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