before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We left the knife in your bed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
