dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
