so that wasnt chicken after all
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
