She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
