what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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