chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
