so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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