I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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