Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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