i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
