if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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