i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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