True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The uberlube is also flammable
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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