I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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