I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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