i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
