Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
