Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
