The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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