I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
