If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize