Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
