Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
