i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Someone shattered a urinal.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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