wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
