I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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