The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i think my cat just said my name.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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