Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
