I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
