I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
