You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
