He had one of those small greek statue penises
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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