i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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