Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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