He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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