he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
