He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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