Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm passing your future prison.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
